Response to the "real-world" grammar example

I found the real world example very boring and plain. It didn't stand out to me and since most of the information was cheesy in the first place it was hard to make it any better. I felt like the writer was first, trying to convey that eating seafood was healthy. Second, lots of Americans love seafood. And lastly, that there are lots of strange and interesting facts about seafood. I reorganized the message in order by these three categories mentioned above. I broke out the health facts with em dashes. I also added parenthesis to pieces of information that weren't attention catchers. I feel like this format gives the message a better presentation. Below is how I re-organized everything.

Seafood Festival
Did You Know?

— Seafood is:
an excellent source of protein
low in calories and sodium
the most significant source of omega-3 fatty acids.

— Eating fish provides vitamins A and D,
which help form strong bones and teeth.

In 2001, shrimp passed tuna as America’s
favorite seafood. (By 2002, Americans
were eating 3.7 pounds of shrimp per capita.)

— Flamingos are pink because they eat shrimp.

Crabs have 5 pairs of walking legs
(the first set is also used for defense).

Shrimp starts out as males, then change
to females later in life.