Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Week Twelve: Parallelism, Modifiers, and Research Papers

Comment from teachers “Real World Example”

In the real world example, it seemed to me that the writer was not trying to persuade the reader to join the group, but more inform them. By adding bullet points such as their website and contact number, it appears more as information or some type of awareness. This information could have easily been listed at the bottom of the flyer and the bullet points could have contained more persuasive and motivational information.

Original “Real World Example”

We will pay the Utah sales tax.

Plus, get six months interest free.

Plus, new lower pricing on our clearance items, including bedrooms.

Re-written “Real World Example”

We’ll pay the Utah sales tax, give you six months interest free, and extend you our new lower pricing on clearance items, including bedrooms.

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